This is me being picky

Okay, so I know it's no secret that about 99% of commercials suck these days. I also know that I'm probably the only person that does not bother to mute the ads, and so most of you happily live your life never realizing how truly bad these ads are. But I do listen, and there are a few ads that irk me right now because the people making them seem to have no clue what they're talking about. So, I'm calling them out.

Offender #1: Natural Defense Dog Food

This ad spends most of its time showing well-groomed dogs in various stages of harvesting and shipping plants, presumably for them to eat. Then comes the tag-line at the end of the commercial: "Health promoting extracts: if they could get them on their own, they would." The narrator lets you know exactly what extracts your dog is looking for, which come from plants like marigold and myrtle, and that this dog food will protect your pet for life.

Now, I'm not sure what dogs this company has met, but all the dogs I know don't seem all that concerned about eating healthy. They just eat pretty much whatever they can find. In fact, I'm almost 100% certain that even if dogs COULD get these extracts on their own, they'd choose to eat sausages instead. That's not to say that you shouldn't get healthy food for your dogs, but saying that the dog would choose healthy food is like saying your kids would love to eat broccoli if you would just tell them it's healthy.

Offender #2: Reach Total Care

This commercial boasts that Reach has created the new future in manual toothbrushes. How? By adding a hole to the handle for your thumb to sit in. They claim this increases your ability to control the toothbrush, and then say that the bristles fit better and clean better than a toothbrush without a hole. Doesn't it sound amazing?

First of all, not once in my life have I ever felt that I didn't have enough "control" over my toothbrush. This makes me very skeptical that this hole will somehow significantly improve my teeth-cleaning experience. Also, the only change to the brush that is mentioned is this hole, and yet they zoom in to show how the bristles fit better and clean better. To me, this implies that the hole in the handle somehow magically affects how the bristles fit to your tooth. I'm sure that's not what they mean, but that's what I take away from the commercial. And I call bullshit.

Offender #3: CTV

CTV wants you to watch the Olympics on their channel, so they've made a series of commercials showing how excited everyone is and inviting you to watch with them. The general theme of these ads is that the "spark that started in Vancouver" is spreading around the world, and now everyone believes. I'm not sure what they believe in, but they do. So watch with CTV, okay?

On top of the fact that this commercial basically makes no sense, I would like to point out that the Olympics have been around for a LONG time. This isn't even the first time they've been to Canada. So why do we in Vancouver think we're so special that we managed to send a spark around the world just by hosting them? People got excited about the Olympics long before we came around, and any excitement they're feeling this year has nothing to do with us.

Offender #4: Lysol No Touch Soap Pumps

I won't go on about this too long because I already talked about it here, but it deserves mentioning again. Seriously, it doesn't matter if you touch a germy soap pump, because YOU ARE GETTING SOAP TO WASH YOUR HANDS! Come on, people. You're smarter than this.

Now that I've spent a whole blog nit-picking on ads that no one really cares about, I'll finish off with two that did it right. They may not be super accurate, but at least they're funny. Enjoy.

Always read the label...

On Saturday I made the trek out to visit The Boy, and things just happened to work out that his friends decided to head out on the same weekend. I was really excited, since I haven't had many chances to meet them until now. We planned to meet up at Boy's house for some food and drinks, and then head out for a night on the town. It was a long trip, but everyone managed to get there safe, sound, and ready to have a good time.

We ordered in some pizza and everyone grabbed a drink that suited them. Boy had bought something he thought I might like to try: root beer flavoured vodka. We decided the best way to mix up the vodka was to add some ice, a little bit of water, and a little bit of vanilla to make a root beer float martini. It was suprisingly delicious, but seeing as is was basically straight vodka I decided that two were enough and I needed some mix in the next one.

When I was ready for a new drink, I raided the fridge and found an open carton of orange juice. The flavour of the vodka wasn't really strong, so I thought it would be okay. My first sip left me uncertain. It didn't taste bad, just....odd. The Boy tried it and told me to dump it down the sink right away, but one of his friends also tried it and he liked it. After another couple sips I decided it wasn't bad enough to waste and finished the drink without giving it another thought. The next drink I made I used plain vodka though, because although the first drink wasn't terrible it wasn't fantastic either. I walked back into the room, took a sip, and....it still tasted odd. I looked at my drink, confused, and informed the group that it might be the orange juice that was the problem. At this point, The Boy looks up and says, "Wait, which juice did you use? One of them might be expired."

Silence fills the room.

I walk back to the fridge and pick up the carton of juice. Not only was it expired, but it expired four months ago. And not only did it expire four months ago, but there was mold in the spout. Mold that I had completely failed to notice. And because I had failed to notice it, I drank a whole glass of moldy orange juice. Needless to say, the new drink was poured down the drain along with the rest of that carton. And the next drink I made, which used juice that was actually fresh, tasted much better.

Moral of the story: if you're using someone else's juice, it might be a good idea to read the label.

The definition of snail mail

For those who don't know, I am currently in a long distance relationship with a wonderful man who lives on the other side of the country. We're lucky enough to have him out my way for business trips where his expenses are covered, so we share costs when I travel out there. He's working full time and I'm in school which means that quite often it works best for him to pay first and I either mail him a cheque or give one to him the next time I see him. Such was the case last June, when I sent Boyfriend a cheque to repay him for some expense or another. Unfortunately Canada Post happened to be on strike and my envelope promptly disappeared and was never seen or heard from again. Or so we thought.

A couple days a go, Boyfriend and I were on the phone having our (near) nightly good night chat. After catching up on each other's days, he tells me that he got an envelope in the mail today. Figuring it must be something pretty exciting for him to tell me about it, so I ask what was in it. His response? "I don't know, I haven't opened it yet, but it's got your name in the corner."

.......it does? I hadn't sent him anything that I could remember.

After a moment of silence, I realize that maybe my lost cheque finally made it's way to him. He opens it, and sure enough there's my cheque, dated June 1st, 2011. It took them 8 months, but the postman did not lose my mail at all. As much as I would have loved for it to get to him sooner, I admire their dedication. They must have been facing a mountain of unsorted mail when the strike ended, but they sorted it and got that envelope to where it was supposed to be. Besides, I had sent the cheque in a card, so he still got to enjoy that.

Mailmen, I salute you!

A wonderful wedding

Last weekend I went to my first wedding ever. Okay, not quite. I was a flower girl for my Uncle's wedding way back in the day, but the only thing I remember about that day is the purple satin dress I got to wear that my Grandma made for me. So I don't think that really counts.

The ceremony itself was wonderful. Aside from what I would consider to be very typical parts of a wedding ceremony, the couple did one thing that I really liked. They had a sand ceremony where they took turns pouring different colours of sand into a tear drop-shaped glass container. It was symbolic of their two separate lives coming together as one, and the resulting layered effect made a beautiful keepsake. I'll admit to tearing up a few times during the ceremony, there was so much love and happiness in the air it was hard not to get emotional.

The reception was also a success, with delicious food and fantastic dancing music. Plus, of course, the games. They had the bride and groom do the standard "hold up a shoe" game, and also did a game on the dance floor to determine who at the reception had been married the longest (one couple had been married 31 years!). However, one part made me laugh the hardest, and I'm not even sure it was intended to.

Partway through the night the DJ cleared the dance floor and told all the single ladies to come forward for the throwing of the bouquet. I figured I might as well, so I grabbed a few of my new-found friends to come up with me. We chose to hang out around the outskirts of the group, since none of us seemed to really care if we actually did catch it. The bouquet was passed to the bride, she turned around, and.....the DJ started blasting this song:

I was laughing so hard I completely missed the bouquet toss.

As per tradition, this was immediately followed by the groom removing the bride's garter and tossing it to the single men. The bride was set up in a chair, and the groom knelt down in front of her. Suddenly, the DJ asks, "Should we make this easy for him, or should we make this hard for him?" As rousing cries of "HARD" came out of the crowd, the groom was told he could not use his hands. Which may not have been a problem, except the bride was wearing a beautiful ballgown-style dress that must have had at least 7 or 8 layers of fabric for him to find his way through. Once again I was convulsing in fits of laughter on the side as the groom struggled to find his way inside this mountain of fabric, eventually emerging victorious with the garter in his mouth. Someone sitting at my table ended up catching it, which prompted me to ask him a somewhat mischevious question...

"Is it a problem that you're the next guy to get married, but your girlfriend is not the next girl?"

Thankfully he found it funny. My humour has a mean streak sometimes.

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